I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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