Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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