mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
