were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
