I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
