Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
