at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
