My liver just broke up with me...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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