apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
