Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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