Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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