You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
