How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My vagina just recognized that song.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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