Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
two words...techno handjob
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
