Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
