Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
where are you?
Hypothermia
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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