Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
