then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
