Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Randomize
