I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
