I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Randomize
