after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
