i wish starbucks made bloody marys
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
