I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I cut my penus on the lid.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
