She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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