He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
