non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
