hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
