Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
