at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
