Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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