ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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