I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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