But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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