I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
