I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I believe in your delicious
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
