my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
