I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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