Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Just pee around me
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
