Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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