I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
