It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
