I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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