I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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