They should really pass out barf bags in church
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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