were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
