She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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