girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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