She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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