Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
