I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
